I was in a verbally & physically abusive relationship for well over 3 years. I had bruises on my body, black eyes, and a very deflated self worth. I'm not sure why I stayed looking back. Of course, at the time I was in love and it was my fault. I wasn't being sweet enough after he had a hard day. Etc, etc, blah, blah....
I was recently asked why did I let someone beat me. I'm not a little guy. I'm over 6'1", 250 plus pounds. And I have been thinking about that. (I did finally fight back, but I ended up in jail...that's another post I'll make). The only thing I can come up with is I still see myself as that scrawny little boy. I was late to puberty. So late that I got made fun of for not having hair on my legs and being so short. Puberty hit me over one summer and I was suddenly the "tall dude".
That's the only thing I can thing of. I don't see myself as this large, tough looking guy. Which is probably why I puff up my chest and act like a cobra. I have to seem bigger, when in reality I already am.
well that would for sure explain some of the reason you puff up so much... so you are more threatening LOL but believe me you don't need too. you are a big gruff dude. people aren't going to mess with you.
ReplyDeleteI'm trying not to puff up anymore, but I doubt it is working. LOL.
DeleteI love you John, but I think you got the reason that you stayed wrong. You didn't leave and you didn't fight back because you thought you deserved it. You were wrong, of course. When you talk to abused women, they all say the same thing. They thought they deserved it. I would imagine that you are no different. I love you!!
ReplyDeleteI think there is some truth to that. And I also wonder if I wanted to see what it was like for my mom to have been in such an abusive relationship.
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