So I didn't stand in front of mirror and chant for her. However, I almost wish I had...
I did however go to brunch and thinking I would be sophisticated ordered a carafe of Bloody Mary. That was one of the worst things I have ever tasted in my life. I honestly felt like I was drinking a steak sent through the blender on puree. Here's the funny part. I could taste the vodka. Which has been my liquor of choice for over ten years. And I looked at David and said even if you filled this the rest of the way with vodka, I still wouldn't drink it. So, that makes me wonder if my "drinking problem" is more of a habit than an addiction. I have been at David's house with his mead and haven't busted in to it. I'm able to have a couple of beers and still maintain my composure. I don't sit there and crawl the walls trying to think of a way to get some. I mean if I wanted it that bad, I could walk to the bar down the street. But I don't.
So what if this is just a habit I have gotten myself in to. I know a lot of it was being bored, depressed and just wanting to "take a trip". I was going to say forget, but I didn't want to forget. I just wanted to be somewhere else for the night. Granted a book could have transported me as well.
Does this mean that I just need to re-program how/when I drink?
it is an interesting question and something to ask in therapy. HINT HINT!
ReplyDeleteAddictions take many forms, all of which differ and are the same. From person to person, and within the same person, things are different, things change. An emotional addiction is different from a physical addiction, but both lead to the same place. Go to therapy, talk about it, dig to the bottom of it. Remember, though, only you have the answers. You can't seek external answers because that's not where the answers are. They are all internal, and the only way to find them is to look, fearlessly, into your own heart and soul. The worst think you will find is your own true self, and in my not so humble opinion, that's never as bad as we think it is. LOVE YOU!!
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