Helpful As A Hand Grenade

Thinking more on my earlier post.  I used to tell people how my mom had left my at an arcade, forgot to pick me up at school, and never showed up to get me at a restaurant for hours.  The biggest one though was when my parents divorced, she ran from him.  However, she left me (and my siblings).  I was only 13 at the time.

I used to use these as my "war badges" they gave me the right to act out.  My mommie forgot about me, let me suckle this vodka bottle.  I felt it gave a right to act out and play this victimized version of myself.  Poor little John.

I forgave my mom for abandoning me along time ago.  Pretty much when I was in my own abusive relationship.  I suddenly understood the flight or fight response.  I could understand why she did leave.  By know means am I saying her decision was right or wrong, but it was she needed to do to get away and survive.  

The funny part is I held on to her forgetting me places or forgetting to pick me up for a lot longer.  Which now seem very trivial, but I did.  I could explain away the abandonment to anyone, but I was sure to play the victim in being forgotten.  In the last couple of years, I have realized my mom is just a bit scatterbrained.  At least once a week she loses her cell phone, she has to hunt for her debit card every time at the store.  It wasn't that she was a bad mom, she just saw something shiny and went to chase the butterfly.  

So I do my best not the play the victim card anymore.  Besides it doesn't have any credit left on it.